你知道獲得甜蜜愛情有幾個(gè)步驟嗎？

1. In Everything, Give Thanks 對每件事，表示感謝

Say “Thank You” and make an effort to regularly demonstrate your genuine gratefulness for all your partner does for you. There are going to be times when this will seem an impossible chore. Perhaps you’ll be furious with your partner over something or other and they’ll point out something they did, hoping for praise. How will you respond? Will you offer your praise and thanks then deal with your anger separately? Or will you close up like a shell and torture your partner with inconsolable silence?
說“謝謝”并努力經(jīng)常地表露你真誠地感謝情人為你做的所有。需要時(shí)間來講這些變成一種不煩悶的事。也許你會因?yàn)槟呈聦δ愕那槿嘶蚱渌吮┡麄儠赋鏊麄冏隽说哪呈?，希望被贊揚(yáng)。你會如何反應(yīng)？你會表示你的贊賞和感謝然后獨(dú)自處理你憤怒的情緒？或者你會像個(gè)貝殼那樣關(guān)閉自己用極度沮喪的沉默折磨你的情人？

You care about making your relationship work so I expect you’ll swallow your momentary pride and say thank you. After all, your partner deserves at least the same courtesy you’d give to a complete stranger. When you cannot be gracious, be polite. Make a habit of offering thanks to your partner, even for the tiniest of things, and a sapling of thankfulness will grow into something strong enough to support you both.
你擔(dān)心你的感情生活所以我希望你能收起你短暫的驕傲然后表達(dá)出感謝。畢竟，你的愛人應(yīng)該得到至少你對一個(gè)完全陌生人表達(dá)出的禮貌。當(dāng)你無法做到親切時(shí)，至少保持禮貌。養(yǎng)成對愛人表達(dá)感謝的習(xí)慣，即使對最微小的事，一句感謝的幼苗會成長為強(qiáng)壯地足夠支持你們兩人的大樹。

2. Ask For Praise. 請求表揚(yáng)

Expecting your partner to notice things without prompting is often very unfair and can lead to resentment. Keep the beast away by speaking up and bringing attention to things you’d like your partner to notice. If you’ve done something you’d like your partner to take notice of, say something! Got your hair did? Say something! Fixed the dining room table so it doesn’t teeter? Say something!
在無提示下期望你的情人注意到某些事，通常非常不公平也容易導(dǎo)致不滿。遠(yuǎn)離這種討厭的事，坦率地講明白你希望你的情人注意到某些事。如果你已經(jīng)做完了你希望對方注意的事，說出來！你做了頭發(fā)？說出來！修理了餐廳的桌子使它不再搖晃？說出來！

You did this instinctively when you were a child. Remember running up to a parent or guardian and asking them to look at a picture you’d colored or cape you’d made out of an expensive tablecloth? For most of us, the response was one of amazement (if a bit contrived) and vocal appreciation for our obvious talents.
當(dāng)還是個(gè)小孩的時(shí)候你會本能地這么去做。還記得你跑到父母或監(jiān)護(hù)人面前要他們看看你涂上了顏色的一副畫或者用一張昂貴地桌布做成了披肩嗎?對我們大多數(shù)人來說，對我們顯地才華，這種反應(yīng)是驚奇（如果有一點(diǎn)小發(fā)明）和大聲贊揚(yáng)中的一種。

You’re not so very different now. You still love to be praised when you’ve done well. Even if it’s something you should have done earlier in the week or missed a detail on. How to get that praise? Ask for it and agree to give it when your partner asks you for some appreciation. You know not to crush a child’s spirit by ignoring their efforts to impress you. Are you as smart about your partner?
如今你也沒有多大的不同。當(dāng)你干好某事后你仍然想被表揚(yáng)。就算是那些你本來這周應(yīng)該早就完成的或是錯過了細(xì)節(jié)的事。怎么去獲得贊揚(yáng)？去請求表揚(yáng)并同意當(dāng)你的情人需要時(shí)你也給出贊揚(yáng)。你知道不能因忽略孩子們?yōu)榱私o你留下印象而做出的努力打擊他的心靈。你是否像你父母那樣聰明？

3. Schedule Time For Each Other 為對方排出時(shí)間

If you were worried about killing spontaneous romance by scheduling time with your partner,  you wouldn’t be reading this. For the rest of us with busy lives and hectic schedules, an exhausting Wednesday is easier to handle knowing that Thursday at 6pm we get a few hours with our best friend.
如果你擔(dān)心和你的愛人安排時(shí)間相處會扼殺隨意地浪漫，你不會閱讀這些。對剩下過著匆忙生活和繁忙行程的我們來說，一個(gè)精疲力盡的周三更容易掌控知道周四晚上6點(diǎn)我們會有一些時(shí)間與最好的朋友相處。

All that’s left is to actually be present with your partner during the focused time you have together. This, according to all voices heard in my less-than-scientific survey, is one of the hardest parts of any long-term relationship.
現(xiàn)在剩下的是實(shí)際與愛人在重點(diǎn)時(shí)間內(nèi)共同度過的時(shí)間。根據(jù)我的不能稱為科學(xué)的調(diào)查中的聲音，這些，是所有長久愛情關(guān)系中最難的一部分。

Dinner with kids at the table doesn’t count as real presence. Sitting on the couch while you both have laptops running in front of you doesn’t count either. In fact, most of the things we do as couples fall into the realm of proximity instead of true presence. A simple test (thanks, Debbie!) is to see if you need to get your partner’s attention before talking for them to hear what you say. If you do, they weren’t really there to begin with.
與孩子在飯桌前吃晚飯不能算作真正的共處，你們一起坐在沙發(fā)上使用著筆記本電腦也不算真正的共處。事實(shí)上，大多數(shù)我們以情侶身份做的事掉進(jìn)了以“接近”取代“真正”共處的范圍。一個(gè)簡單的測試（謝謝Debbie!)是，在對他們談話前看看是否你需要去引起愛人注意去傾聽你說的是什么。如果你需要的話，他們不是真的準(zhǔn)備好了。

You’ll be tempted to use your regular time together as the time for you to angrily vent and argue. Don’t do it! This is your time to catch up with the person you love. If you can’t think of something wondrous and warm to say, chew on silence and just be. There’s something about focused presence with a loved one that helps troubles sink away just a bit. Make the most of your time together!
你會被誘惑去使用經(jīng)常一起的時(shí)間去發(fā)泄憤怒和爭吵。不要這么做！這是你用來迷住你愛的那個(gè)人的時(shí)間。如果你不能想到出色的、熱情的話去說，就僅僅仔細(xì)考慮。盡可能多的共處！

4. Agree On How To Argue  商定如何爭吵

Sometime when you’re not even a little angry with each other, sit down and talk about how you fight. Then lay down some rules you both agree to follow during future arguments.

有時(shí)候當(dāng)你對對方很生氣時(shí)，坐下然后談?wù)撛趺礌幷?。然后列出一些你們都同意的?guī)則供將來吵架時(shí)遵守。

Mary, a 74 year-old mother of four and widow of two shared three of her rules:
Mary，一位擁有4個(gè)孩子的媽媽，兩次喪偶。她分享給大家三條規(guī)則：

Nobody leaves during an argument without saying where they’re going.
· 吵架時(shí)，在不說清楚到底該怎么辦之前，沒人會離開。

Arguments that last longer than 3 days are obviously stupid and will not be allowed to continue.
· 吵架吵過三天是明顯的愚蠢，這是不能被準(zhǔn)許繼續(xù)吵的。

An argument will never mean that the relationship itself is in question.
· 一次吵架永遠(yuǎn)不代表這段關(guān)系它本身有問題。

Mary’s final rule resonated with me because that’s something I work very hard to do in my own relationships. One of the most difficult but smartest things to say during an argument is, “I love you but I’m so pissed at you about/for/because [insert argument here].” Keeping the argument separate from the relationship status is key to getting things back on track. You could call it a shortcut through very dark woods.

Mary的最后一條規(guī)則和我產(chǎn)生共鳴，因?yàn)檫@是我在自己的愛情關(guān)系中所努力去做的。爭吵中一個(gè)最難也是最聰明的做法是說：“我愛你，但是我對你很生氣關(guān)于/因?yàn)?......(爭論內(nèi)容)”。讓爭吵與愛情關(guān)系相分離的狀態(tài)是使一切回到正軌的關(guān)鍵。你可以稱它為走出迷路森林的捷徑。

5.Say You’re Sorry Every Day 每天說你抱歉
Apologizing is a lot like learning a foreign language. The more you practice it in real-life situations, the better you become at it.
道歉很像學(xué)一門外語。在真實(shí)生活中你越加練習(xí)，你說得越好。

If you don’t do something worth saying sorry for every day, you’re either an angel or completely blind to your own inadequacy. You need not commit some great damage against your partner before saying you’re sorry. Just be yourself. In the course of being yourself you’ll say something without thinking, forget to pick up something from the store, or complain about your day without asking about your partner’s. You’re a master at making mistakes! =)
如果你每天并沒有做什么值得道歉的事，你要么是天使要么是完全盲視自己的不足。在說對不起之前，你不需要做巨大地傷害愛人的事。只是做你自己。在做你自己的過程中，你會不經(jīng)過思考說一些話，忘記在商店買一些東西，或者不問愛人過得如何只是抱怨你的今天過得糟糕。你是生產(chǎn)錯誤的主人！

The more you ask for forgiveness, the easier it will be to admit to and gain forgiveness for all the things you do that might drive your partner away if not taken care of. Its never easy to swallow your pride and admit to screwing something up. But you need to do this and make a habit of it if you want to make your relationship the best it can possibly be.
你越請求原諒，越容易承認(rèn)你做的所有事都會獲得原諒，如果不小心的話，這很容易讓的愛人離開。放下你的驕傲和承認(rèn)把某件事弄遭了并不是件容易的事。如果你想盡可能地經(jīng)營好你的愛情，你需要這么去做，并且養(yǎng)成習(xí)慣。

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